Now that I am officially more than half way through my twenties, I thought it would be a good idea to pull together a list of advice that I wish someone told me as I was entering my twenties. I just turned 26 on Saturday (shout out to Alison and Anthony for hosting the most amazing dinner party for my birthday) and have been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I was scared shitless to turn 25, for some reason I really felt like I was going through a quarter life crisis. This year, I feel a lot more at peace and just excitement for what’s to come. I think the difference really speaks to the amount of growth I’ve done over the last year. Years of huge personal growth are usually the hardest, but definitely the most fruitful. These are all tips that I picked up on, practiced, and mastered so far in my twenties. I definitely think that all of these are equally as important to anyone in their twenties.
1. Don't make long term decisions based on temporary feelings
Being in your twenties is one of your biggest places of growth. Think about where you were at when you turned 20, where you are now, and where you envision yourself at 29. For me, the difference is pretty drastic. Because of this, it’s important to try to force yourself to start making decisions based on where you hope to see yourself in the future. There are a lot of choices I’ve made that had long term effects on my life that were made based on temporary feelings. Some of these decisions worked out and had wonderful outcomes, and others that led to really tough endings. I think understanding the difference between taking risks because you’re young and you should and being totally spontaneous based on a fleeting feeling or situation is extremely important.
2. Go 100 MPH with your career
On day one of the job I started right after grad school, I decided I was going to give my all every single day. I set lofty professional goals and hit the ground running. There were a lot of days I put in 14 plus hours, skipped happy hour with friends to finish something up at the office, traveled so much that some of my relationships suffered, and spent some weekends working. These were all things I chose to do to learn as much as I could, to get where I wanted to be. The pandemic is actually what forced me to finally slow down and realize I could go full force at my job without having to sacrifice other aspects of my life that were just as important. However, I don't regret going the extra mile all the times I did. If you are passionate about what you do and are certain of where you want to go career wise, don’t stop until you get it. You’re hungry in your twenties, it’s easier to pick up on new things, it’s exciting to make new connections and professional relationships, most importantly, you want to prove yourself and set the bar at which you function as high as you can. All of my hard work led me to a recent promotion to a role that was my “goal position” for when I was 30. I have absolutely no regrets going 100 MPH to get to where I want to be professionally, and I have no intentions of slowing down now. Take advantage of the freedom and flexibility you have in your twenties to set yourself up perfectly in your thirties when you might have more responsibilities and rigidity in your personal life.
3. Trust your gut
To this day my gut has never done me wrong. I am a big believer in trusting your gut whether it’s about a relationship, a potentially dangerous situation, or just the little voice in your head telling you to take that leap of faith. Everyone has an intuition and a big difference between so many twenty somethings is whether or not you listen to it. I have always listened to my gut because I normally feel these notions so strongly I can’t ignore them. Trust that you know yourself better than you think you do. Try not to overthink a situation so much you aren’t seeing it clearly anymore—that’s when you’re the most vulnerable to make a questionable decision. We have instincts for a reason. Most of the time I can't explain or rationalize why my gut instinct is so strong about certain things, but I’ve stopped caring about the “why” and just trusting myself. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of someone saying they wished they hadn’t trusted their gut and there’s something to be said about that.
4. Make long term and short term goals
The best thing about setting goals is that you can edit them along the way. I think it’s super important to set achievable short term goals. I talked a lot about this in the 2020 Goals blog post so I won’t belabor the point. Achieving small, short-term goals is great for feeling accomplished, proud of yourself, and keeping the momentum going. Set long-term goals and write them down. This will help guide you with decision making through your twenties. Understanding how certain variables will help get you closer to or set you back from your goals is really motivating. I recommend setting personal, financial, and professional long-term and short-term goals. Again, don’t feel like if you write something down when you’re 22 it can’t be altered. Be adaptable and edit along the way as needed—there’s nothing wrong with that!
5. Pay attention to your finances
In my early twenties, when I was still in college, I followed more of an “ignorance is bliss” standard when it came to my bank accounts and student loans. Once I graduated, I set savings goals, investment goals, and payoff goals for my student loans. I began taking the approach of “knowledge is power” and now I could recite all of my finances in my sleep. My biggest piece of advice is to take control of your finances, start saving as much as you can within reason, and pay off any debt you may have as soon as you are able to. Consider making purchases that are investments. Sometimes spending the extra money to make a purchase last for way longer is cheaper in the long run. Start making these assessments every time you buy long term items. Making a monthly budget really helped me with understanding what I had coming in each month, what I had to set aside for bills, and what I could save each month if I stuck to my budget. Seeing this reality in an excel spreadsheet was really daunting at first, but I’m so happy it’s something I stuck to maintaining. I really had no idea how much I was spending on Ubers, eating out, and random subscriptions until I saw it all outlined. In general, take control of your financial freedom—the sooner you do it, the better. My grandfather gave me a piece of advice when I was 21 that I have used as my rule of thumb ever since. Money is meant for saving, spending, and donating.
6. Be selfish
Your twenties are your selfish years. For some, if not most of your twenties, you only have to worry about yourself. Take advantage of this, it’s a great thing! Take the time to really get to know yourself. What makes you happy, what boundaries you need to set, what pisses you off, what excites you—learn all of this. All of these realizations are things you will take with you for the rest of your life. Focusing absolutely, unapologetically on yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Sometimes making choices that benefit you and only you are some of the most difficult decisions but usually the most worthwhile. There have been many years in my twenties that I spent focusing on being selfish and putting myself first. Yes, it’s normal to feel guilty doing this, however, it’s a great way to break yourself out of a people pleasing phase before it carries through to your thirties.
7. Travel whenever you can, wherever you can
This is one of the pieces of advice that I feel the most strongly about. Whether it’s visiting a new state park or going halfway across the world, there is something about traveling that really opens your eyes to what’s out there. There is no better way to be humbled than going to a National State Park and realizing how small you are. Traveling doesn’t have to mean a huge trip, spend a weekend somewhere you’ve never been, even if it’s an hour drive. I have been lucky enough to do a lot of traveling over the last six years. I am someone who is on the vacation high for months after a trip. For some reason travel really makes me think about life. When I came back from my trip to Europe at 22, I told myself I would never visit anywhere other than European countries because I loved it so much. Getting to see new things and experience different cultures is one of the best ways to learn new things that you love. Memories you make when traveling are some of the best ones—you’ll carry them with you your entire life.
8. Stop caring about what others think of you
This is one thing I have never struggled with. However, I don’t care what others think of me to a fault sometimes. This is something that a lot of twenty somethings spend way too much of their time and energy on. Half of these people you’re concerned about won’t exist in your life in five years, always try to keep that in perspective. I saw something the other day that said, we all need to realize that other people aren’t nearly as concerned with you as you think because they’re too busy worried about themselves—I think this is so true. At the end of the day, if these people aren’t signing your paycheck, paying your bills, or someone you want in your life forever, who the hell cares what they think.
9. Buy the $6.00 latte you really want
I don’t mean for this point to completely contradict my advice regarding finances. However, I do feel strongly about treating yourself within reason. Life is way too short. The quote in my gratitude journal this morning said “We all have two lives. The second one starts the day you realize you only have one.” Live your one life to the fullest, even if that means splurging on the expensive bed sheets because they make you happy. Buy the latte that is way too expensive because walking into that coffee shop makes you happy. You don’t want to look back on life and realize you weren’t able to enjoy the little things. Everyone deserves a splurge every once in a while—do it within in reason, and don’t feel bad for it. One of my biggest fears is looking back on my life and feeling like I didn’t spend my money on the fun stuff when I could’ve. This falls perfectly in line with the three things you can do with money—spend, save, and donate. You work hard for the money you have, spend some of it!
10.Don’t be focused on checking things off your list based on societal “norms”
Who else used to say when they were teenagers that they wanted to be engaged by 24, married at 25, and kids by 27? I sure did and now I laugh at the thought of being engaged at 27. I have every intention of taking full advantage of my selfish years and waiting until my 30’s to start a family. But this is the whole point. That’s not everyone’s priority. I have friends who are engaged with kids, friends who are married, friends in long term relationships, friends who are recently single and feeling like they’re starting all over. Everyone is different. What is ideal for one person, isn’t ideal another. Stop comparing yourself against societal “norms”, similar to the scenario I outlined at the beginning of this section. If you don’t want kids, who cares! You don’t have to do anything just because it’s the “next step.” Do not settle for anything just because of age or just because of what’s “next”. Let life happen how it’s supposed to and trust that the things you want will fall into place. Just don’t force it, and don’t stress about it while you wait for it to happen. Everyone is on their own timeline and I think more people need to learn to be okay with that. The minute I realized this, the happier my life became.
11.Be okay with saying no
Stop being a yes man in your twenties. Whether it’s professors, parents, bosses, friends, whoever—stop feeling like you have to say yes to everything. I started saying no to anything in my life that didn’t bring me happiness or stressed me out. Of course, life is life and there will always be things you have to or “should” do. Even if it’s as small as going on a date with someone you don’t want to but feel bad or you already agreed—if you don’t want to do something, say no and don’t feel bad about it. If your friends want to go out on a Friday night but you want to relax and read a book, say no! Being comfortable saying no to smaller things, makes it a hell of a lot easier to say no to things that are more difficult. I shamelessly say no to things that I can’t take on, that I don’t want to be a part of, or that makes me feel stressed and it’s one of the best qualities to have in my opinion.
12.Do the right thing when no one is looking
This is one of my favorites. Start going above and beyond because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. This point qualifies for a lot of different things. It can be something small or big like picking up trash while you’re out on your walk, donating money to a food pantry during the holidays, standing up for someone, or volunteering in your community. I’m not sure if it’s my line of work that makes me think about this a lot but I never want to look back on my life and feel like I didn’t help someone at everyone opportunity I had. I want to leave this earth better than I left it. Never do good things for recognition, do it because you care. There are some instances where doing the right thing is the harder option. Sometimes it’s tempting to go down the easier path, especially when no one is looking. I personally think that doing what’s right, always rewards you ten times over.
13.Take care of yourself, like really take care of yourself
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to consciously be more and more thankful for my health. Without my health, I couldn’t do or practice any of the above pieces of advice. I want to live for as long as I can so I can do and see everything I want to. When you’re young, you don’t realize how important it is to take care of your physical and mental health. As I get older, there are more and more things I do on a daily basis to ensure I keep my health as my highest priority. This piece of advice goes hand in hand with being selfish. Your mental health is so important. If taking care of yourself means creating healthy boundaries with people in your life, or walking away from certain relationships, do it. Move your body, exercise when you can, eat food that will nourish you, and get enough sleep. Do selfcare every single day. I personally don’t want to be burned out by the time I’m fifty. I want my body to be strong and get me through a long and healthy life—start this now.
These are my biggest pieces of advice that have helped me get to a place that I am proud to be in as I approach my mid-late twenties. Some took a lot longer to master than others, but they have certainly worked for me. Be patient and forgiving with yourself. These are the years to make mistakes and learn from them—fail forward. Don’t get me wrong, there have been days and even weeks that I have been on rampages over the last 6 years (my friends will all back me up on this). I let all of these things I live by go completely out of the window at times. The important part is that you find yourself back to the things that really matter to you, and for me, it’s all of these pieces of advice. On my 30th birthday I want to look back on my twenties and laugh at my mistakes, smile at all my memories, and be proud of my growth.
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